Draft synopses – votes please!
A few days ago I told you I had drafted a synopsis for my first novel and I’ve taken a few opinions from family and friends. This has resulted in several versions that I like but am unsure about. I’ve set them out below for you to take a look at and I’d appreciate all comments and opinions.
Remember – I’m not asking about the plot – just the synopsis!
A matter of trust
A chance sighting in an English wood. A violent encounter in Dublin. A murder in Edinburgh.
After spending more than a decade in jail for a brutal murder Jack is out of prison and returning to his home town. What starts as a brief stopover on the eve of his new life in Ireland turns into a dangerous game of hide and seek between Jack, his former best friend Ben and the father of Jack’s victim, James Doon.
Jack is desperate to make a new life for himself far away from the haunting memories of his previous existence and the time he murdered the girl he loved. With his old schoolmate Ben in hot pursuit, how far must Jack go to protect his future?
Ben wants to discover the truth about Jack and dreams of the old days when their friendship was secure. Wracked with guilt for ignoring his friend in jail he’ll even leave his wife to uncover the old secrets but how much will it cost him?
James is still angry about the death of his daughter and his wife’s suicide. Betrayed by Ben who he had come to think of as a son he plots his revenge, taking Ben’s wife to Scotland and telling every lie he can think of to keep them apart. Pushed to the brink of sanity, is James more dangerous than he looks?
The lives of these three men are relentlessly twisted out of shape in this story about friendship, insanity and fresh starts.
A matter of trust (HP)
A chance sighting in an English wood. A violent encounter in Dublin. A murder in Edinburgh.
After spending more than a decade in jail for a brutal murder Jack is out of prison and returning to his home town. What starts as a brief stopover on the eve of his new life in Ireland turns into a dangerous game of hide and seek between Jack, his former best friend Ben and the father of Jack’s victim, James Doon.
Jack is desperate to escape the haunting memories of his previous existence and the time he murdered the girl he loved. But with his old schoolmate Ben in hot pursuit, and James pushed to the brink of insanity by his daughter’s murder and wife’s suicide, how far must Jack go to protect his future?
The lives of these three men are relentlessly twisted out of shape in this story about friendship, insanity and fresh starts.
A matter of trust (MP)
A chance sighting in an English wood. A violent encounter in Dublin. A murder in Edinburgh.
After spending more than a decade in jail for a brutal murder Jack is out of prison and returning to his home town. What starts as a brief stopover on the eve of his new life in Ireland turns into a dangerous game of hide and seek between Jack, his former best friend Ben and the father of Jack’s victim, James Doon.
Jack is desperate to make a new life for himself far away from the haunting memories of his previous existence and the day he murdered the girl he loved. With his old schoolmate Ben in hot pursuit, how far must Jack go to protect his future?
Ben wants to discover the truth about Jack and dreams of the old days when their friendship was secure. Wracked with guilt for ignoring his friend in jail he’ll even leave his wife and risk their marriage to uncover the old secrets but how much will it cost him?
James is still angry about the death of his daughter and his wife’s suicide. Betrayed by Ben who he had come to think of as a son he plots his revenge, taking Ben’s wife to Scotland and telling every lie he can think of to keep them apart. Pushed to the brink of insanity, is James more dangerous than he looks?
The lives of these three men are relentlessly twisted out of shape in this story about friendship, insanity and fresh starts.
A matter of trust (KW)
A chance sighting in an English wood. A violent encounter in Dublin. A murder in Edinburgh.
After spending more than a decade in jail for a brutal murder Jack is out of prison and returning to his home town. What starts as a brief stopover on the eve of his new life in Ireland turns into a dangerous game of hide and seek between Jack, his former best friend Ben and the father of Jack’s victim, James Doon.
Jack is desperate to make a new life for himself far away from the haunting memories of his previous existence and the time he murdered the girl he loved. With his old schoolmate Ben in hot pursuit, how far must Jack go to protect his future?
Ben wants to discover the truth about Jack and dreams of the old days when their friendship was secure. Wracked with guilt for ignoring his friend in jail he’ll even leave his wife to uncover the old secrets but how much will it cost him?
James is still angry about the death of his daughter and his wife’s suicide. Betrayed by Ben who he had come to think of as a son he plots his revenge, taking Ben’s wife to Scotland and telling every lie he can think of to keep them apart. Pushed to the brink of sanity, is James more dangerous than he looks?
The lives of these three men are relentlessly twisted out of shape in this story about fresh starts, insanity and friendship.
Kathryn Wright 25 Jan 10
I prefer the HP version. The longer versions raise too many questions about the plot for me. The HP one gives just enough information to arouse my curiosity without bombarding me with plot details.
Heather Pictor 29 Jan 10
I like the HP one too, but then I would say that, it’s mine!!! Do I get royalties when you make it big?!?!?
Rachel Pictor 29 Jan 10
No royalties I’m afraid but I may find space for you in the acknowledgements section. And of course, if it ever gets to print you’ll have the joy of knowing you took part.
Chris Roberts 04 Feb 10
I think I’m voting for the HP version, too. Although I am looking at it from a consumer’s point of view (and a consumer who doesn’t read much fiction at that!) – not the point of view of a publisher.
I would be tempted to re-word it slightly to save having to introduce the names of ‘Ben’ and ‘James’. Reading it quickly, it’s quite easy to forget the association between the name and the relationship. For example, you can just say “his best friend” without having to say the name.
Personally, when reading just a brief snippet, I got confused between Jack and James. They both start with ‘Ja’. It’s too much for my little brain!
Rachel Pictor 08 Feb 10
Ah, Lots of love for the HP version! I should point out that the similarity in names (Jack and James) was actually deliberate for reasons that hopefully become clear once you’ve read a good portion of the novel. It’s not absolutely necessary though so I may change this.