The curse of being quiet
Over coffee and conversation, a friend told me what her Boss had chosen to focus on during her annual appraisal. It turns out, (wait for it – you’ll be horrified!) she’s quiet.
What? QUIET?!
Yes, quiet.
You can imagine my consternation. How can anybody get along in their lives being quiet? Surely, everyone knows that those who shout the loudest are always the most respected with the most important things to say…right?
O wait, no, that’s a heap of crap.
So, what’s the problem with being quiet? What exactly should my friend be doing differently? Is a personality transplant the only option? Let’s imagine this conversation a little differently with made up names…
“Stacey, I notice you don’t spend a lot of time on your feet. What’s that all about?”
“Um, that’s because I use a wheelchair.”
“But have you ever thought about doing things a little…differently?”
“What?”
“It’s just that you’re making the rest of the office uncomfortable because no-one ever sees you walking around or using your feet for anything. Everyone else uses their feet, so why can’t you?”
Of course, this conversation would never happen because it would be completely ridiculous. And I’m not trying to suggest that being a ‘quiet’ person is akin to having a disability. It’s simply a facet of some people’s personalities, mine included. As such, why shouldn’t it be accepted in the work place? If my friend was rude, or bitchy or spreading malicious gossip that would be a serious problem. As it is, she is simply being true to her own nature and avoiding the idle chit chat that actually wastes time at work. And for this, she gets penalised?
Employers and Managers everywhere should be aware that there are many kinds of differences, all of which are perfectly acceptable. Some people use wheelchairs, some people have different skin tones, some people have jug ears and some people are quiet, or irritatingly loud. None of these things should feature on an appraisal. It is your job to get along with, and support every member of your team. If someone behaves in a way that you ‘don’t get’, maybe it’s you that needs to change!
We don’t all have to fit in the same box.
